On "Coming Out" With Schizophrenia
I Considered Writing This Newsletter Anonymously. Why Didn't I?
Last week I decided to start a newsletter under my real name to share a story that, told unredacted, contains personal details which could orient the subject of it within target range and focus of one of western civilization’s last acceptable, widespread prejudices: the enmity and fear of the mentally ill. As it happens, and as you have undoubtedly surmised already, I am the subject of this story, and so I did not make the decision lightly. As the owner of a small dog walking and pet sitting company, my livelihood requires that current and prospective clients entrust me with keys to their homes and the safety of their animals. I have earned that trust north of two-hundred times over the course of six years, and have acquired a glowing reputation in my community in no small part because, as far as everyone knows, I am a totally normal guy. And here’s the thing:
I am.
I am normal. This is because, insofar as “normal” refers to a general conformity to the standards and norms of polite society, I’d say that I am truly as behaviorally and psychologically normative as they come.
The only difference between me and my clients is that I require medication to function effectively and to be as reliable in business and life as I am. Basically, I need medication to be normal.
And that should be okay.
But, alas, I’m not sure that it is to most people. People do not generally understand mental illness, that it affects the afflicted differently, and that there is a range of possible levels of functionality that is possible among people with my diagnosis (schizoaffective disorder) depending on how early and consistent they are with their adherence to an effective treatment plan. And so, needless to say, I will not exactly be eager to share this publication with my clients anytime soon. But they are free to find it on their own – in which case I can only hope that they read and learn, rather than read and burn a bridge that has meant so much to me over the years.
So, why take the risk? Why have I resolved to no longer keep my diagnosis a secret? It’s because I believe I can use my talents for writing, insofar as I might be permitted to call them that, to bring some value to the discourse around serious mental health issues and to reduce stigma. I must confess that I deliberated for a short while about whether I should write essays anonymously, as that would be the only guaranteed way to ensure that I don't incur any damage to my real-life reputation. But I ultimately concluded with firm confidence that doing so would be far less useful to others and wouldn’t serve to increase visibility of, well, “normal” mentally ill people, which I think is an important project.
Consider for a moment the parallels between the struggles those with a mental health condition face, as it pertains to this idea of disclosing personal information, and the situation that gays and lesbians have always had to deal with, which is the general taboo around same-sex attraction that produces the stressful, potentially life-deranging need to decide whether to, as it were, "come out of the closet." Fortunately, much progress has been made over the last couple of decades in the overall reduction of stigma associated with this issue, which serves as a wonderful example of how, as Martin Luther King Jr. put it, the moral arc of the universe bends toward justice.
But the question might be asked: how did it bend so quickly to accommodate the gay community?
If you recall, the issue of gay marriage used to be front and center in the American political arena. It was a contentious topic, with supporters of the institution representing a minority view within the country up until very recently. The Democratic Party didn't include support for gay marriage as part of their platform until 2012. According to Gallup, around 40% of U.S. Americans were in favor of it in 2010. Today, that number is over 70%.
So, what happened?
Well, it's probably a safe bet that the widespread movement among gays and lesbians to come out publicly with their orientation had something to do with it, because it inevitably caused a concomitant surge in familiarity among the many heterosexuals who had hitherto then harbored prejudicial attitudes toward them. The coming out of so many people, including famous celebrities – but also just plain old regular friends and family – increased exposure of otherwise ignorant people to the reality of homosexuals, and that exposure fostered a real sense of familiarity with them, and, finally, that familiarity increased acceptance and support for their rights.
Such was that particular arc of progress.
Now, here is another question: is a similar chain of social development possible for those suffering from mental illness? Can the common perception in society about those living with mental disorders improve around an increased exposure and familiarity with the medically treated and recovering among them? Perhaps the answer is yes. And so posting anonymously in fear of social or economic repercussions would have been a kind of bowing down, a capitulation, an acquiescence to a stigma that, as far as I can tell, is just as unfair as the widespread partiality against gays just 10 or 15 years ago. I don't want to do that.
Therefore, I am officially "coming out," albeit quietly, for now, in this small corner of the internet called Completely Mental.
And I'm pretty excited to be doing it.
In my next post I will share my mental health story in detail, delving deep into my childhood, teenage years, when my symptoms began, how I was diagnosed, how I’ve managed my illness as a young adult, and how, sometimes, it has managed me, forcing the state to mandate treatment through court orders on two separate occasions. This will take time to put together, requiring some research into my history. I aim to send it to your inbox on Wednesday, April 26th.
I will follow this with great interest, I am a closet schizophrenic, very high functioning, most of my real life friends regard me as a prodigy and a savant, and about half of them don't even know I technically have severe schizophrenia that shows itself in psychosis every ~2 years or so because the intervall is too high to really stay in conscious memory. I am not sure how coming out and talking about my condition more openly would interact with stigma towards schizophrenics, in the vein of Freddie De Boer's "The Incoherence and Cruelty of Mental Illness as Meme".
I will most likely take your coming out as a model for mine, should I decide to come out one day aswell.